Bulldogs and Their Delusional Speed: The Sprint That Never Was

If you’ve ever watched a bulldog play, you’ve probably noticed something utterly hilarious. they genuinely believe they can run as fast as a Greyhound, faster than any other dog in the world. Their confidence? Unmatched by all means. The reality of the situation? A full-bodied, wobbly, turkey legged gallop that looks more like someone played a video in slow-motion replay but it’s in real life, than an actual sprint. But don’t tell them that or they’ll tell you otherwise, bulldogs are convinced they’re built for speed, and honestly, we love them even more for it and their funny little galloping runs.

The Bulldog Mindset: “I Am Speed”

Bulldogs, bless their squishy, wrinkled little faces, are not exactly built with the tools for going fast. With their broad chests, sturdy bodies, and sometimes short legs, they’re more tank-like than the sleek and slim builds of a greyhound. But in their minds? They’re rockets zooming off to the next place at the speed of light. The moment they get a burst of energy, they take off with the enthusiasm of a sprinter during the Olympics, eyes wide, tongues flapping, heavy breathing and ears bouncing, only for reality to catch up within a few minutes, after they’ve been laying on the floor panting like it was a hard days work.

The Hilarious Physics of a Bulldog “Sprint”

What makes their “speed” so entertaining is the actual physics of the “sprint. Bulldogs are front-heavy due to their broad chests, meaning their weight is mostly in their upper bodies. This is great for pushing or bulldozing into things around (and bulldozing their way through life), but not so great for swift acceleration. They put their whole heart into running, but their legs simply cannot keep up with the ambition of their front half. This often leads to:

• A determined start followed by a rapid deceleration
  
• A slight wobble and possibly a stumble
  
• A dramatic flop onto the grass when they realize gravity is not on their side
  
• A funny looking run

Yet, despite these difficulties, bulldogs are all in on the fun and play, and that’s what makes their playtime so charming and funny.

Why Bulldogs Think They’re Fast (And Why We Let Them Believe It)

Dogs don’t think of speed the same way we do, and for bulldogs, the fast (but actually slow) movement makes them feel like the fastest creatures on Earth. Their enthusiasm fuels their belief that they’re zooming past everyone and everything, even if they’re being outpaced by every other thing around them.

And let’s be real here, we would never dream of telling them that they aren’t. Watching a bulldog joyfully thunder across the yard or towards you and bulldozing into your legs, convinced they’re leaving a trail of dust in their wake, is one of the purest delights of owning one of these breeds.

Encouraging Your Bulldog’s Playfulness

Even though bulldogs aren’t built for running sprints or marathon runs, they love to run and play when they get the energy too. Here’s how to keep these lazy dogs moving (without bursting their speedster bubbles):

• Short and sweet play sessions: Bulldogs don’t have the stamina of a Husky or any other high energy dogs, but they love a good zoomie session every now and then! 
  
• Chase games (but let them win sometimes): Nothing boosts a bulldog’s confidence like feeling like they’re outrunning their human or sometimes winning at the fast paced game.
  
• Play on soft surfaces: Their stubby legs appreciate grass or soft carpet, when their ambition gets ahead of their ability, any hardwood flooring or slippery surfaces will hinder their boosting power and will start causing them to slip and slide around while on the zoom.
  
• Encourage play with other dogs: It’s always fun to watch them “race” another dog (and still think they won).

Conclusion: The Fastest Slow Dog You’ll Ever Love

A bulldog may not actually be fast by alot of means, but in their minds, they’re a force of nature that will win a race and bulldoze a tree in the process. And honestly? That’s all that matters when it comes to these guys. Watching them barrel forward with all the grace of a bowling ball, convinced they’re a blur of speed that’s blinked from one place to another, is one of the best things about having a bulldog.

to the owners of this lazy but fast (slow) breed, next time your bulldog is joyfully galloping across the park, in house or in the backyard, let them believe they’re winning the race that they set up in their minds, because in their world, they already have. 🏆